sporadic random blog post

So I was reading my cousin’s blog this morning, and I am now supposed to be writing a little note for my church’s weekly newsletter, but of course I’m struggling for inspiration, so to get the creative juices flowing, I thought “why not write a blog?”

So here we are.

I am currently sitting in the Starbucks where I worked until about 2 months ago, enjoying the sunshine outside and the air conditioning inside. I observed the other day that I’ve been a generally happier person since I quit Starbucks, less angry and ranty. However, I’m not going to lie to you, I really miss some of the very beautiful people I used to interact with on a daily basis. Wow, some of them are LOOKERS. So that’s that, then.

Speaking of being a happier person, I’ve also started taking some courses at BCIT, working on a certificate in event marketing. This fits in to my long range plan of moving to the city and not feeling like a loser trying to explain myself every time I meet someone new and get asked what I do for a living. Is this shallow motivation? Probably. But I’ve become increasingly aware recently that while I enjoy my life in Abbotsford right now, the day is coming when I won’t, and I don’t want to wake up one morning and resent everyone and everything in my life. Gots to be proactive, I figure.

So, you know, I don’t know exactly when all of this will go down, moving and quitting jobs and whatnot, but it’s on the radar, in the future, and the key people that need to know about it do know now, which is nice. Someone asked me if this information was ‘public’, which sort of surprised me – it seemed funny that anything I did or decided would be significant enough to be ‘public’ or not. Yes, I think it’s safe to say now that it’s public.

The trouble with all this is it really makes it difficult to motivate myself in my current life. Work, my social life, even household chores just don’t seem to matter, because, you know, I’m moving… at some point. But my focus has shifted, and it’s difficult to keep perspective.

So that’s what’s going on with me these days. How are you?

well, if I’m not writing these days, I’m glad someone is

http://blogs.victas.uca.org.au/alternative/rumours/

benediction writing

just posted a bit of work over at http://nexuschurch.wordpress.com

more maggi dawn

on marriage.

Interesting stuff.

kids are great

Maggie Dawn posted this for World Autism Awareness Day. Very cool.

easter 08

As I recall, Quentin wrote this, but insisted I lead it. If you use all or part of it, I’d love to know how, and how it went.

Easter Communion Liturgy

Leader: After the Sabbath, at dawn on the first day of the week, Mary Magdalene and the other Mary went to look at the tomb.

 There was a violent earthquake, for an angel of the Lord came down from heaven and, going to the tomb, rolled back the stone and sat on it. His appearance was like lightning, and his clothes were white as snow. The guards were so afraid of him that they shook and became like dead men.

 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you.”

 So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me. (Matthew 28:1-10)

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only,^[who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. (John 1:14) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in. I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’… ‘I tell you the truth, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these; you did not do for me.’ (Mark 25:35, 36, 40) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever. (PS.23:1-6) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.” (Matt.18:20) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: Let the heavens rejoice, let the earth be glad; let them say among the nations, “The LORD reigns!” Let the sea resound, and all that is in it; let the fields be jubilant, and everything in them! Then the trees of the forest will sing, they will sing for joy before the LORD… Give thanks to the LORD, for he is good; his love endures forever. (1 Chor.16:31-34) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: And if anyone gives even a cup of cold water to one of these little ones because he is my disciple, I tell you the truth, he will certainly not lose his reward.” (Matthew 10:42) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is among us
Leader: Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28: 19-20)

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is within us
Leader: “This is my body, which is for you; do this in remembrance of me.” (1Cor.11:24) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is within us
Leader: “This cup is the new covenant in my blood; do this, whenever you drink it, in remembrance of me.” (1Cor.11:25) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He is within us
Leader: Whenever you eat this bread and drink this cup, you proclaim the Lord’s death until he comes. (1Cor.11:26) 

Communion: “Wedding Dress” (At nexus, we always play the same song while taking communion, so with a little warning before we got started, it was quite easy to initiate communion without having to announce it.)

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my joyful obedience
Leader: “If you love me, you will obey what I command… “If anyone loves me, he will obey my teaching. My Father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him. (John 14: 15, 23) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my acceptance
Leader: Accept on another then, just as Christ accepted you Rom. (15:7) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my love
Leader: Love one another deeply from the heart (I Peter 1:22) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my humility
Leader: Clothe yourselves with humility toward one another (I Peter 5:5) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my honor of others
Leader:  Honor one another above yourselves (Rom. 12:10) 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my mercy
Leader: Carry each other’s burdens and fulfill the law of Christ (Gal. 6:2)

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He dwells in my loving deeds
Leader: Spur one another on toward love and good deeds Hebrews 10:24 

Leader: Christ is Risen
All: He walks among us and speaks his delight
Leader: The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (Zeph.3:17)

good friday 08

I sat down this morning to put pen to paper for this year’s Easter services at nexus, and of course the first thing to do is remind myself of what in the world we did last year. Since I so appreciate other worship planners who post resources, I though I should share the stuff that I worked on with Caitlin Kellogg and Quentin Steen last year.

The service was, overall, too short, but I think still quite powerful. The stations of the cross readings are adapted from a piece Caitlin found on a Catholic site, unfortunately I don’t know which one. We played clips from The Work of the People on the projector – they were called ‘palms’ and ‘john 3:16′. Also, the Nickelback video (yes, I really did use Nickelback in a service…) was played over TWOTP’s ‘passion video’. If you use all or part of it, I’d love to know how, and how it went.

Welcome

Songs

Stations of the Cross Readings

1 – Jesus is condemned to death

Narrator: Jesus, you stand all alone before Pilate. Nobody speaks up for you. Nobody helps defend you. You devoted your entire life to helping others, listening to the smallest ones, caring for those who were ignored by others. They don’t seem to remember that as they prepare to put you to death.

Child: As a child, sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes I feel that others don’t stand up for me and defend me when I am afraid. Sometimes I don’t feel like I am treated fairly, especially if I am scolded or corrected.

Adult: As an adult, sometimes I feel abandoned and afraid as well. Sometimes I too, feel like I am treated unfairly or blamed for things unfairly. I have a hard time when people criticize me at home or at work.

All: Help me be grateful for what you did for me. Help me to forgive criticism and unfairness as you did, and not live in self-pity. Help me pray for those who have hurt me.

2 – Jesus Falls Down

Narrator: The cross is heavy, and at times you falter under its weight, and you fall down. Each time, it becomes more difficult to get up. But you continue to struggle and try until you’re up and walking again. You don’t give up.

Child: As a child, sometimes things get me down. Others seem to find things easier to do or to learn. Each time I fail, I find it harder to keep trying.

Adult: As an adult, I often feel I should have conquered my weaknesses by now. I become discouraged when I’m confronted by the same problems over and over again. Sometimes I get weary, and sometimes I despair, even over the smallest things.

All: Help me when things seem difficult for me. Help me do my best without comparing myself with others. Help me continue to believe that I am loved and accepted by you. You didn’t give up. I can have the strength to get up again as well. 

3 – Jesus is nailed to the cross

Narrator: You are stretched out on the cross you have carried so far. The soldiers take big nails and drive them into your hands and feet. You feel abandoned by the people you loved so much. People seem to have gone mad. You have done nothing but good, yet they drive nails through your hands and feet.

Child: As a child, sometimes I hurt others. Sometimes I join with friends and decide not to like another. We gang up against another and cause them hurt and pain. Sometimes I say or do hurtful things to my brothers and sisters. I can only wonder what they’d think about themselves if they believed everything I told them about themselves.

Adult: As an adult, sometimes I discriminate against others. Even without thinking, I judge others because of their colour, intelligence, income level, or name. I forget that I am to live as a brother or sister to all people. Sometimes I use harsh words when I speak to my children and family members. I can find it easy to look for something that isn’t very important and make it very important. 

All: Help me look again at the people around me. Help me see the hurt people and pain I have cause in others. Be with me to help me make amends for the harm I have done.

Video: Far Away by NIckelback

A Cloud of Unknowing (read by narrator)

When I first begin to reach out to you, my God,
            All that I find is a darkness,
            A sort of cloud unknowing;
I cannot tell what it is,
Except I experience in my will
            A simple reaching out to you, Lord.
This darkness is always between me and my God,
            No matter what I do,
And it prevents me from seeing you clearly
By the light of understanding in my reason,
And from experiencing you
In sweetness of love in my affection.
So help me to rest in this darkness
            As long as I can,
Always crying out after you, whom I love.
For if I am to experience you
Or to see you at all,
In so far as this is possible here,
It must always be in this cloud
And in this darkness
                                               Ancient Mystic Prayer

A Night Pregnant With Good

But this is a night pregnant with good
            A glowing darkness,
For it shuts out false love
And ushers in the dawn of your true day.
Indeed, the darker the night,
The nearer the true day of your love…
For as the prophet says:
When I sit in darkness, the Lord is my light.
                                                Ancient Mystic Prayer

Maggi Dawn posted this quote this morning, and given the somewhat foolish and, arguably, failed events of my week, I found it comforting. 

“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all – in which case, you fail by default.”

J K Rowling, speaking at Harvard University.

censored.

I’m wondering if my new aversion to blogging is rooted in a more fundamental shift in my personality. Most of my life I’ve been known as a super blunt, completely uninhibited communicator. I say whatever I think, with authority, as soon as it comes into my head. I don’t keep secrets well, especially not my own. My mom used to tease me about it, and I think sometimes, being the rather reserved person she is, it really kind of bothered her how freely I would share personal things. 

But there is this slow trend I’m noticing, where now and then I’m being told that I’m ‘reserved’. Me? Reserved? I don’t think of myself that way. In many contexts, that is simply the last term you would use to describe me. And yet, in other parts of my life, I think the pendulum really has swung to the other extreme. It kind of weirds me out.

And in blogging, it kind of shows. I used to just write about whatever popped into my head, but now I struggle to find things I feel are appropriate to write about. I struggle with how my chosen topics will affect others’ perception of me, and with what is appropriate for the blogosphere. Don’t I get to make those decisions? What outer standard am I looking to meet? Is this a symptom of growing up, of learning to filter my thoughts a little better, or does it go beyond that? Because the truth is, I don’t feel in control, I feel… censored.

I have no real conclusion. I just miss blogging, and I don’t know why I’m not good at it anymore.

mmm, not so good with the blogging. I can offer no excuse. Good thing I don’t have any readers!

I had a really good week, actually. In staff meeting on Monday, Dave managed to completely turn around my feelings about our facility issue, and lifting that weight somehow managed to lift a few others as well. It’s amazing the relief that can come when you suddenly realize you can admit to your mistakes. I feel really lucky to be part of a community that encourages each other to do so, to work toward health like that.

Wednesday a few of us got together and watched the first three episodes of the Long Way Round series, where Ewan MacGregor and Charley Boorman ride around the world on motorcycles. The intricacies of the friendship between these two people are so interesting, it got me to thinking about my own friendships and how I respond to different situations. Also, it’s got me thinking that perhaps at one point in my life it might be fun to have a bike. Scary!

Friday a few of us girls from Starbucks went downtown to celebrate our friend’s birthday. The birthday was fun and everything, but what I really valued was the conversation in the car on the way there and back. It’s just really rich to be able to share your experiences with people with such different backgrounds and feel accepted and loved by them. It was very cool.

Despite a really great few days, I feel like my thoughts have been a little preoccupied with the future. I suppose with all the different people having babies in my life it’s not crazy that my hopes for a family one day have been on my mind. Obviously, I’m a few steps away from that, and I want to enjoy each of the phases on the way to that one, and each of the phases of life that might replace that one, should it never be a reality for me. But still, I’m really looking forward to one day having kids of my own. So I guess that’s where I’m at, for better or worse.